Sometimes, I Wish I Was A Women

Seriously

"She was a little shy but I just kept pointing to each bit of my body and saying ‘Breast!' ‘Thigh!' encouraging her to kiss every part of me. She was so eager to please. It was such a turn-on looking down at her gorgeous naked body as I showed her how to make love to a woman."

Soon Angelina was calling shots, too. Their ideal night was for her to dress in PVC pants with matching skintight vest and trawl strip clubs together.

"I even took her to dominatrix joints and she loved them all," said Jenny. "The darker and naughtier the better.

"Then we'd go back to wherever we were staying, desperate to rip each other's clothes off and act out the moves we'd seen. They were amazing nights."

God I Love Angelina Jolie

Which, of course, allows us to visit one of the all time classic lyrics

I Wish I Was a Lesbian
Lyrics by Loudon Wainwright

I wish I was a lesbian, and not a hetero.
I wouldn't have to deal with men and all their come and go,
And all their yucky yucky facial hair and all their machis'mo!
I wish I were a lesbian and not a hetero!

I wish I was a lesbian and that I wasn't straight.
I'd sleep with women only. Man, it would be great.
I'd throw away my diaphragm, I wouldn't want to mate.
I wish I was a lesbian, and that I wasn't straight!

I wish I were a lesbian, I'd like to be a dyke.
I'd sleep with k.d. lang. Mel Gibson, take a hike!
I think it would be nice to love someone who was alike.
I wish I was a lesbian, I'd like to be a dyke!

I wish I was a lesbian, that's why this song is sung.
It shouldn't really matter how somebody is hung.
Other things are more important- like how you use your tongue!
I wish I was a lesbian, that's why this song is sung!

I DARE Casey Kasem to play this!

I wish I was a lesbian, and not a hetero.
I wouldn't have to deal with men and all their come and go,
And all their yucky facial hair and all their machis'mo
(I hate that machis'mo!)
I wish I was a lesbian and not a hetero!